lucymorningstar: (Default)
[personal profile] lucymorningstar
Insomnia, as I think we all know, is a bitch and it turns me into a bit of one. I think it does all of us to an extent. Who doesn't get a little bit cranky and snappy when they're overly tired? I get insomnia as a symptom of being schizoaffective, I get irritable as a symptom and I get irritable because I'm tired. It's all a vicious circle as most things are with mental health.

In a way I'm kind of used to not sleeping properly and most of my coping methods work most of the time. This is a special circumstance. I know I'm stressed and anxious, I don't deal with change and I'm not sleeping right because of it. I probably won't sleep right for weeks, if not months, because of it. I do have a prescription for sleeping pills if I need them and I hate them but I might have to rely on them for a while.

Too much of a lack of sleep makes all the other shit even harder to deal with... and as with vicious circles round and round we go.

S is also struggling to sleep properly because of the cast on her leg. She's not napping so much during the day either because she's not taking so many painkilers. S is not used to not getting enough sleep and she's getting really grouchy with it. She's also making herself wired by drinking caffeine to wake herself up but isn't doing anything to work off the energy... and so she can't sleep.
I feel really bad for her. She's has never had insomnia. She's seen me dealing with it for years and she told me that now she's experienced it just a little and has a vague idea of just some of what I go through, she told me she doesn't know how I cope. She made me cry when she cuddled me and said she was proud of me for keeping fighting through the darkness.

I feel really bad for J actually. He's got both of us suffering with sleep deprivation and being tired and irritable. How he doesn't yell at us when we're both being bitches I don't know. He just shrugs and says he knows he don't mean it, and he also said to me there'd be no point and that it would resolve anything. That man is a saint.

I probably had a point when I sat down and started to write but that was about 15 minutes ago now and I don't actually remember anymore. I'm tired, like the kind of tired where if I close my eyes too long I might actually go to sleep so I might crawl into bed. Even if all I do is nap for a few hours and I'm wide awake again after, I think that would be better than sitting here for 2 hours until 'bedtime'. I know I'm supposed to 'maintain regular sleep patterns' but I think in the current situation, sleeping when tired is more important.

Naming Names

Jul. 15th, 2017 04:44 pm
lucymorningstar: (#teamsteve)
[personal profile] lucymorningstar
S has just posted to say she doesn't think she likes using her name as her DW account and is asking her flist how they came up with their usernames. I thought that was quite an interesting question and it makes me want to ask you guys How did you come up with your username?

Mine is based off the character Lucifer Morningstar from the TV show Lucifer. The basic premise of the show is that Lucifer got bored of hell, left, is running a nightclub in LA and working with a homicide detective. He makes no secret of who he is, goes by the name of Lucifer Morningstar. One of his brothers, Amenadiel, calls him Lucy which I love because... well because it's name.

And so... [personal profile] lucymorningstar is me
although Morningstar clearly isn't my surname. (For anyone who's wondering, I changed it by deedpoll a few years ago so it's Anderson, the same as J and S)

An actual update!

Jul. 10th, 2017 01:08 pm
lucymorningstar: (McKay)
[personal profile] lucymorningstar
If I just start posting like normal, no-one will notice I haven't been posting regularly, right?

Hello friends. Sorry for disappearing on you. Everything went crazy around here and I've been really struggling with my health because I've been so stressed out. And the one thing that seems to get dropped is finding time to do things that I enjoy. It's a really bad habit of mine that when I go into survival mode, I forget about me. And blogging/journalling is really good for my mental health, it helps me try to gt things out of my head and into a way that I can try and make sense of. So my bad habit of neglecting myself is something I really want to start working on and I'm going to bring it up with my new therapist.

Yes, a new one. One of the crazy things thats happening around here is that we're moving. I'm really stressed about it :(
S has been headhunted and has changed jobs but it's down in Cardiff so we're moving. We're supposed to be moving around August bank holiday Monday and then S is due to start her new job in September. She's really excited more it's more pure physics-centric than her current role which is more engineering based.

But!
Because there's always a but, right?
A couple of weeks ago, she broke her leg really badly. Like had to have pins put it in badly and was told that she has to have a cast on for 'at least three months' which takes her up to the beginning of September so she doesn't even know if she's going to be able to start taking her classes when the semeste starts

I'm really stressed for her but she's of the view that what will be will be, if she can't start classes in the Autumn semester, she'll start in Spring. Her new boss knows that she's injured and out of action and they're just taking it as it comes.

Mostly, she's just bored. That can be quite fun for me and J haha. She's getting better at getting around on crutches so we're hoping to be able to do some family activities over the summer. We've been doing a lot of 'Netflix and chill' and we're doing a Doctor Who rewatch which is fun. She's also got herself a DW which is [personal profile] samanderson. And she's learning to knit - and so am I!

Well. This post seems to have mostly been about S and I think I've rambled enough for today. Have a good week!

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Kimi

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